Posted in English, Thought/Story

Marriage ….

Marriage. It becomes a status. It is very important, so it will be questioned at every time we fill any application form in. There is always a box/statement with subject “marriage/marital status” we should fill in. And it is very important, so that people keep asking question about it every time we meet at any occasion.  “When are you getting married? Are you married? Why aren’t you married yet? What are you waiting for? Come on ..tik tok tik tok…..” Those are common questions that are always been expressed to any single, not only to women but men over 20s. The pressure is on and on, especially when you are already over 30’s and have a job. It becomes too much when you have owned a house, then a car, etc. It seems like getting married is one thing that must be done for every one, no exception.  Yes, I do believe in marriage institutions. In fact, in my own religion, marriage is a highly recommended act, it becomes obligatory when there is a chance of falling into sin.

But, marriage is not that simple as meeting people then falling in love. In fact, falling in love itself is not that easy. Marriage is about commitment, long term commitment…  No …long term still has got a due/expired time. I would say it is about the whole life commitment, “till death do us apart”. And finding people who are committed to live with you for the whole life, in bad and good, in health and sick, till you both grow old; it is not easy.

And nowadays, relationship is getting harder. When you live in the world that everything is measured by speed and material things, it is more difficult to find people who is real and being able to be loyal for good.

People change so easily. When you are in love with someone, you will do everything to make him/her believe that you are the best human in the world for him/her. You will do crazy things only for that one person. You promise that you will be there always on any conditions. Your eyes and heart…in fact, your whole world are only for that one. Then, one day, time is up, every thing changes. Your heart changes, your eyes see others more appealing or challenging. Then you treat your loved one differently. No more affectionate and warmth looks in your eyes, no more smooth as butter in words, there are only criticism, judgments, disagreements, conflicts and fights. The tense is becoming unbearable when it relates to another people and you want to leave for that other people.  And if your  are too afraid to leave (for any reason), but your love has flown away to another destination,  things become uglier. Your loved ones become enemies, persons who used to be your centre of love become the ones who stop you from giving and receiving loves. You will feel like a zombi with full hatred to live.

Well… maybe that is too pessimistic opinion. Maybe…just maybe there are people who are capable to be loyal for one person in their whole life. They will stay with you even when you are getting old, getting fat, more wrinkle and grey hair, lose your teeth, etc. Because you aware that when your love one reaches that point of age/condition, it is same as you. No matter how they change, they are still same person who you met many years ago. And if you love them many years ago, you will keep loving them, or at least try hard to keep the flame in your heart. That is the real challenge in our love life.

Marriage isn’t about winning. It’s about lasting. ∼ Mark Gorman ∼

 

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Posted in English, Thought/Story

When the heart changes

bleebloob, this & that, shanti1507, susanti1507, divorce, marriage, cheating, cheated on, selingkuh, perceraian, pernikahan, perkawinan, relationship, marriage, love, heart broken

Every couple is unique. Sometimes we see couples who are so different each other, in a lot of ways, could survive in their marriage to last.  But, many couples, as we look them as perfect couples fail in their marriage. Ironically, some of them have known their couple for many years before they settled down, but only stay in marriage life for short time. We as other people, could only wonder and ask question “how can one couple success, while others who we see as a perfect one fail?”

It is the same question I have when someone I know got divorced because her husband wanted to. She is a young lady who has a good job, a good personality, good looking and independent. She grew up as a strong person, independent as she almost can do anything by herself. Attractive not only physically but also spiritually. But, what we can do as a woman when our man started to cheat, not only with one woman, then said that he was not happy with the life he shared with, and wanted to end the marriage? Should we insist to keep the marriage on? Try to convince with all kind of possible reasons that could make him changing his mind? Is there any guarantee that he will not cheat again, if he agrees to not end the marriage? When a man changes his heart and decides to go, what else can we do, except to let him go? The years that have gone, so wasted. Thought that we knew the person who lived with us for many years. Thought that he would truly love us, care for us and never hurt us. How could we anticipate for people who change their heart? We can not control how people feel about us. When love is gone, it is only that person himself/herself who can make it to come back, if he/she wants to. Still, to be cheated on is a painful and heartbreaking. Got divorced is giving you traumatic experience and may change the way you think about other people. But, when it has to happen, there is nothing else we can do, but accept it. Let the painful experience be the most valuable lesson in this life. Let that grief makes you stronger, to prepare the better life to come, as I do believe that it will come eventually.

Note: “dedicated to my dearest friend and all women and men who are facing the same experience as above story”.

 

 

Posted in English, Thought/Story

When unhappy in marriage

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Marriage is a sacred vow between man and woman; it is an everlasting promise to love, honor, and cherish each other, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until they die. It is a genuine and pure connection between two people, that can withstand all challenges in life, big and small one. When two people decide to get married, they are sure that they have met the most possible perfect person who can be their partner in life for eternity; they believe that together, they will be able to conquer the world.

Many people have to go through long journey before meeting the right person who they believe are their half one. They have to go through a lot experiences, bad relationships, rejections, lies, cheating and more unpleasant experiences in relationships before ending up to meet the person that they believe the right one. Some people are lucky enough to have known their partner for quite long time before they decide to tie the knot. Some get married to their dearly friend who they known since they were in college, or high school, or even since they were kids. However, they all have at least one thing in common. When they finally decide to get married, they believe that they will spend the rest of their life with someone who they believe are their half one. They celebrate the union with a marriage; an announcement to the world that they are one; they will love, look after each other in any condition. They have pure spirit to start new life together based on not only passion, but most important are love, friendship and respect.

I write that above notes to remind any ones who are currently having a feeling that they are not happy with their marriage life because they are no longer in love with their wife/husband, fed up of their marriage, thinking of having an affair, etc. Remember all the reasons why you wanted to get married from the first place. Remember all the feelings in the beginning when you were in love with your wife/husband. Remember all the promises you have made to your wife/husband when you recited your sacred vows in front of God and your beloved families and friends. Wish all that memories could give you new perspective about your relationship/marriage.