Archives

What does it take for long-lasting marriage life?

love forever, happily ever after, marriage last forever, love forever, bleebloob, this & that, relationship

Why do people get married? Most people say because they fall in love, or other may say to settle down and build the family. Whatever reason they have, once they decide to get married, it will need a lot more things than falling in love to make a successful marriage life.

People say it is easy to fall in love. That is why there are some people once ever say “I fall in love at the first sight” and that could be true. It gives sort of illustrations how people can fall in love so easily. When people fall in love, they tend to be blind, they could not see other’s flaws/imperfectness. Every thing looks so perfect for them that they could not imagine if it perceives them, or it is only on their imagination. But, once they get married, they live in the real world. They will interact with each other for 24 hours, 7 days. After days, weeks, months …at the latest in two years, they eventually discover the real person of the one who once they dreamt of to sleep next to them every day. They finally see the real things, see their flaws, the weakness, the imperfectness that were looked so perfect. They can hide nothing.

When they come to that point, they face for what the real marriage life’s meaning. Some may question themselves if they were really falling in love, or if they really had a good reason to live forever with their couple.  Live forever with one person….forever means until one of them is no longer living.  They wonder if they were really in good state of mind when did the vow and committed to the words as “till death do us a part”, find themselves doubting their own feeling for that person. It will feel like self-awakening that could bring the marriage life either to the next level of stronger relationship or back to “zero point”.

At that time, the only way to make the marriage life last if they could start to build the love again. And have to work on it every single day and never give up. The work that is the hardest part of marriage life. Could they still have the love when they are angry to that person? Could they forgive and still have same feeling after big fighting, or maybe worse..infidelity? That is real thing about marriage.

Looking for life partner can be started by falling in love, but long way after that, the biggest part in making the marriage life last forever is building the love and maintain it, working on it day by day, till the time as they promised to each other before “death do us a part”.

When inheritance becomes a problem

 

Brisbane, Australia, this & that, bleebloob, building, architecture, brisbane river, asset

When we are talking about inheritance, whether it involves big amount of money or small one, high value of assets or very less ones, most cases are causing problems. Especially in the countries where there are many uncommon/unusual things to do relate to inheritance issues, like in Indonesia, such as:

  • Not making any Will before died. Some people may aware that making a Will is very important, but some others think that it is not necessary.
  • Many believe that it is not fine to talk about inheritance while parents still alive, even though if it is only to remind them about this issue.

Because of those things, problems arise when parents pass away. Fighting between siblings, conflict between nephews or nieces and step children (they claim that they have right over their uncle/aunt’s assets because the uncle/aunt did not have any biological child), sibling who takes parents’ money/assets without others’ acknowledgment, and a lot more cases. Many cases even cause unfinished conflicts, or worse can cause people to commit a murder. So, when this horrible thing happens, who should be blamed? Should we blame parents who did not prepare for a will? Should we blame the people who can not think or act fairly and lawfully? Of course there will be sanctions/punishments for any one who commits unlawful acts. Still, that kind of terrible thing is so unfortunate to happen; and that could be anticipated in advance.

Therefor, to parents …. it is nothing wrong to be ready with a Will. It will make things easier for your children. It will anticipate them from fighting or creating conflicts over money. To children, who have been left without any will … there are many important things in this life, family is one of them that should be in the most priority other than money, so, try to always put family over money, and, try to always think/act fairly and lawfully. That will keep your family stay together.

Note:

Picture above is taken in Brisbane, Australia. If you are looking for stay in this city, you may take a look the special promotions on this webs: Agoda.com or Hotels.com.

We can’t choose our families …

 

garden by the bay, this & that, bleebloob, family, cloud forrest

When we were kids, we never understood about adult world, we even never known what kind of adult we would become one day. Some children are lucky enough to have warm, caring and supporting parents. Parents who know how to raise children, have good value, and understand what are the most important in life. The kind of parents who know how to prepare their children to face the cruel world one day, make them strong, independent, yet still have big heart and love for others. I think children who raised by this kind of parents are very lucky. But, not all children are that lucky. Some have negative influence, abusive or selfish parents. Instead of thinking about their children, how to raise them to become good, independent and loving persons who have great value of life; this kind of parents just think only themselves. They just focus on themselves, their existence, their own happiness and wellbeing. Need only one parent of this kind of person, will possible to ruin children’s life in the future.

But, we as human beings were born with common sense and mind. When we grew up, we learn about what are right and wrong. We can choose what kind of person to become. Traumatic experiences may not easy to heal. Negative influence or abusive behavior from parents may leave us a mark or affect our future life. However, we own our life and we can choose how to live it. Some people grew up and become just like their parents, be as selfish or abusive as them, and say “this is what I know, this is what my parents taught me”. But, you know what….? You can do better. You can be a lot better than your parents. You can achieve more. It is your choice. It is your own life. You …the one who can decide what kind of life you want to live it, not your parents. Yes … you own it. You should always remember that.

 

 

The purpose of life

Amanusa Resort, Bali hotel, 5 stars hotel, this & that, bleebloob, ocean, luxury hotel, agoda

In this life, every time we turn, every time we meet people, people will always ask; how are you doing?, how’s life?, how’s work/job?, how’s your kid’s doing? Those are questions that normally been asked to us. People always ask things that are related to our wellbeing/existence in this world. It is not normal, and even offensive/insulting if we ask other people if they know about the purpose of their life. If we ask about that, I am 100% very sure that we will get a deep frown as they think we are crazy or nonsense. But, let’s be honest, do we really know the purpose of our life? Or have we ever had a thought even at glance about that? What exactly do we live for? I am not talking about life goals, or what do we want to become one day as we asked about when we were kid. I am talking about the reason why humans are being created for. Why are we here in this world for? God must have a reason for creating human being in this world. We were not just been created, alive, eating/working, or destroy the world, then dead. There must be more meaningful reason about our life.

I believe that we will get different answers when that questions are being asked. It will depend on people life’s background, religion, etc. Christians, Buddhist, Moslem, Hindus or people with other religion may answer differently. But, in general, I am pretty sure that all religions ultimately teach us the same things, about our relationship with God  (“vertical” relationship) and “horizontal” relationship, that is about our relationship with other creations (other human beings, animals and everything that are on earth, living or non living things). Each religion may define differently about their God and have different way to communicate with their God, this is fine. The “vertical” relationship is personal thing, a matter between human and their own God, which is nothing to do with other human being. But our relationship with other creations affect all of us. The way we communicate with them, the way we treat others ( I still refer to living and non living things) give big impacts to our own life and the existence of all creations on this earth. This “horizontal” relationship is very important right now when we live on this world.

So, back to main question, what is the purpose of our life in this world? In my understanding, if we refer to those two kind of relationships which mean that the purpose of our life in this world are to preserve our relation with God (worship Him, praying, thank Him for the blessing, etc) and to maintain good relation with other creations (living and non living things). Any other thoughts, perhaps? Please comment below, if you wish to add more.

Note:

Picture above is taken at Amanusa Resort, Bali. If you are interested to book a room in this hotel, you may check the current rate on this web: Agoda.com or Hotels.com

The grass is always greener on the other side

secret garden village, bali, theme park, educational tourism, tourist destination, bali rice field

Yes, the phrase is very old saying and sounds cliche. But, we often think or have opinions that are picturing the phrase unintentionally, until we know the truth and then change our way of thinking. At that moment, we realize how true the phrase could be. We heard people say that life is not fair. We sometimes respond quickly agreeing that statement, because we think our own life is not perfect. We have lousy job or no progress in the career, a lot of needs that have not been fulfilled, marriage problems, unrequited love that silently torturing, and many more reasons that give justification for us to say “life is not fair” and “our life is not perfect”. Then, we wish that our own life will be perfect if we have a life that other certain people have, who own something that we don’t. We never know that other people probably would have thinking the same way just like us, about us. That happens often in this life.

If we talk about needs, it will never stop. We never satisfied for whatever we have owned and achieved. It is human natural instinct, always wants more.

I have friend, a couple, late 40’s. Both have a successful career, pretty house, expensive car, branded stuffs, traveling abroad almost every 2 months. We are all envy with their luxurious lifestyle. Another friend, married man with 2 children and another more on the way. His wife has stopped working since their second boy was born. Another more friend, single man, has a good job, a place to life, a car to ride, although all are not luxurious but he owns all of that stuffs. He travels as often as the first couple friend. Sometimes he just takes off on trip with no plans, which at first amazed us with his impulsive acts. He said when he gets stressed out and bored, he likes to escape to the beach or quite place for at least one or two day. That will give him an easy recharge to his mental health, he jokes about it. To any of us who are unable to just jump into the plane and take off to anywhere we want, because of time or money, we think they are both lucky. To the first successful couple, our married man friend is the most luckiest people because he has a perfect family with adorable children, a good job that can support him and family to live not in luxury way but good enough for most people. A child, that is what they want desperately. They have tried anything and spent a lot of money to get pregnant, but so far zero result.

So, in the end, wether we realize it or not, we all think the same, we want something that we don’t have, but others do. It is only a matter of time when we will admit it. When we do, sometime it’s better that we are happy for whatever we have. It does not mean that we are neither ambitious, nor have desire/goal, etc, but it is a way for being thankful for what God has given to us and patient for what’s to come. That is what we called “contented”. 

Note:

Picture above is taken at Secret Garden Village, Bali. You may like to read my thought about that place here. And if you need to book an accommodation in Bali, you may search on this web: Agoda.com or Hotels.com.

“Jarimu Harimaumu”

Media sosial saat ini sepertinya sudah menjadi alat yang paling ampuh tidak hanya untuk mendapatkan/menyebarkan berita, promosi/jualan, gosip, kampanye, dan lain-lain, khususnya di Indonesia. Setiap orang paling tidak mempunyai satu akun di media sosial, apakah itu twitter, facebook, instagram, path, pinterest, tumblr, flickr, atau yang lainnya. Lebih banyak orang cari berita atau gosip di twitter/instagram/facebook dibanding dibanding menonton di TV karena memang berita di social media lebih up to date dan mudah diakses. Sekarang ini orang lebih banyak mencari berita/gosip di akun lambe turah, atau akun “lambe-lambe” lainnya dibanding di tv. Apalagi semakin kesini semakin banyak akun-akun berita/gosip dengan nama-nama yang spektakuler yang seolah-olah mewakili satu bangsa/satu umat, namun menampilkan berita-berita yang saling berlawanan. Semakin banyak kita baca, semakin pusing kita dibingungkan dengan berita-berita yanng beredar yang cenderung saling berlawanan. Yang memprihatinkan adalah jika kita yang orang dewasa saja pusing dengan berita simpang siur seperti ini, bagaimana dengan anak-anak? Bagaimana jika mereka membaca dan menyerap berita dari satu sisi dan meyakini kebenaran berita tersebut? Jika berita itu benar dan mendidik, tidak masalah, tapi bagaimana jika berita yang sudah terlanjur diyakini tersebut merupakan berita yang menyesatkan atau mendoktrinasi? Tidak bisa membayangkan anak-anak tersebut akan menjadi orang dewasa seperti apa nantinya.

Perkembangan media sosial dan kemudahan akses internet memang “anugerah”, jika kita bisa memanfaatkan untuk tujuan positip. Namun, tidak dapat dipungkiri bahwa “anugerah” itu saat ini sudah menjadi alat yang tidak dapat dikontrol. Orang dengan mudah sekali menulis kata-kata caci maki, teror, fitnah dan lain-lain. Aksi saling hujat, saling hina, merendahkan, dan mengolok-olok sesama di media sosial menjadi hal yang biasa. Semakin banyak nilai-nilai etika berkomunikasi yang dilanggar. Bahkan semakin banyak kejahatan muncul karena berawal dari pertikaian di media sosial. Kalau dulu orang bilang “mulutmu harimaumu”, sekarang sudah menjadi “jarimu harimaumu”. Jika kita  dulu sering mendengar “lidah lebih tajam dari pedang”, mungkin nanti akan muncul “jari lebih tajam dari pedang”.

Akankah kita diam saja membiarkan fenomena negatif ini mempengaruhi anak-anak kita, dan membentuk mereka menjadi orang dewasa yang lupa dengan tata krama sopan santun dan adat ketimuran yang terkenal itu? Semoga hal ini bisa menjadi bahan renungan bersama bagi para orang tua dan orang dewasa lainnya.

Shall I say “I do”?

wedding ring - tiffany & co

When it comes to single women over 40, there are a lot of stories to dig behind the reasons why they are still single.

Story number one. She met her love of life when she was in college. They were both in love that much that they then went to her parents to ask permission to get married after finishing the school. Her parents seemed reluctant to give a bless since the man did not have same faith/religion nor race, but they asked them to finish the school first, then had a discussion about that later. After college, she and her man got a good job, then came to her parents again for their marriage plan. At that moment, her parents could not hide the real reason and refused to bless them. She was shocked, sad and heartbroken. She was never anticipated this coming. She thought that all were fine as her parents have known this man quite long time. But, she had no courage to disobey her parents. She still kept the relationship with him afterwards, as they both still loved each other. By time, he started to loose faith in their relationship and they decided to go to their own way. A few years later he got married with other woman, she’s still single. In several years, he has got 2 children from her marriage, she’s still single. And she remains single in her mid of 50’s at this moment. Changing heart is not as easy as people says, she admits it.

Story number two. When she was in early 25’s, someone proposed to her. They were closed friend and she tried to build more feeling for him. But, she could not fall in love with him, no matter how hard she tried. Therefor, she told him that she could not marry him. Many years later, he has found another woman to be married with. She is still single at her late 40’s. Some people said that women should not refused any marriage proposal that came to her or she would be get difficulty to find a man to marry later. They said before giving a marriage proposal to woman, man generally has assured that they both had something special between them. The proposal is only a way to validate their relationship. I understand that this opinion is still believed by certain society, although I find this statement is absurd. Marriage is about living with one person for your whole life. There is a reason the words “till death do us part” being used when people get married. If you are not sure whether you will be able to live with that person until your end of life, that is a good enough to not having the marriage. Life is hard enough to be spent with anyone whom you don’t want to be with. Don’t you think so?