When you have been living for long enough, you barely remember about your early childhood. Memories in your childhood were like fading away as you grow up. If you can remember things, it would be like a little/short fragment of event that happened and mostly affected you emotionally, changed your life, traumatic moments, etc. There were many occasions when I tried to dig around, hoping to find some interesting sights or memories of my childhood that buried in the depths of my brain, under the layers of my daily life, but, I didn’t find much. Strangely, there were some moments that I can remember easily, even without trying so hard to remember it. This memories sometimes just suddenly emerge into my mind, flashing through it then gone. Certain memories, the most powerful ones occasionally appear and stay longer, bring me back to the moment and the feeling that associated when the event occurred very long time ago. Some of them:
- I remember how my late younger brother liked to ride his bike. He was like everyone’s favorite little boy, even most of our neighbors loved him… a chubby, funny and adorable little boy who always easily smiled to everyone. He died when he’s around 4 or 5 years old, I am two years older.
- I remember the day he (my late younger brother) died, how my grandpa cried hysterically and fainted many times. My mother cried hysterically, too, while my father cried in silent but I could still feel his deep grief and lost impression on his face, blurry.
- I remember that my grandma was my alarm. She woke me up every morning for morning pray, prepared my bath before going to school. She was also the one who taught me many things, especially about religion, God, praying, fasting, etc.
- I remember the time when I was slept in at my grandparents. In the middle of night, I was awaked by comedy of a shadow puppet story from “Ramayana Series” played in the radio (my grandpa liked that story a lot and always listened it in the radio). When that happened, I can remember I was still sleeping but could listen the funny stories they made, then I smiled on my own …. while sleeping ..or in between awaked and sleeping. If I should rate, this is the funniest and most favorite moment I could remember about my childhood. Even till now I can still smile at myself anytime I remember that. And that’s why I like Ramayana story.
- Then, I remember when my grandma took me for trip several times… it was long trip to special place, a remote area, part of south beach Java in Yogyakarta. What I can remember is that the place was a desert, I could see only sands, one small house where we stayed temporary, closed to the beach (note: wild coast, as I didn’t see any tourist). Sometime we met a traditional fisherman or two when they went to or from fishing. The place was so quiet that we almost never met anyone around. Not only in the night, even in the day we heard only the sounds of ocean waves, sometimes few birds sang. It was so relax and peaceful. I always remember this specific moments. The remote place, desert, sands, ocean, waves, cactus and some desert plants which I didn’t even know the name, but most of all the quietness, the peacefulness that I always long for. I think this is the best moment of my childhood, the most nostalgic. The moment that always remind me how kind and thoughtful my grandma was. Although, she had many grandchildren, and I was only her step grandchild, I was always be her favorite one. And my eyes always fill with tears every time I remember of her, even now while I am writing this. Well …. even good memories sometimes bring back the old sad feeling when it relates to someone you love who’s already gone.
Our early childhood has a substantial impact on our adult lives, including our relationships, career successes, open-mindedness and preference about a lot of things. If I never heard Ramayana story from my grandpa’s radio when I was a little, I may never like that story at all. Beach may never give special effect on me if I weren’t taken there often when I was a child. By retrieving some childhood experiences, it will give you possibilities to understand about yourself, what made you be you are right now. It will give you understanding if you suffer from fearing of something and might help you how to overcome the fearing.
So, what about you? Have you ever tried to remember of any special moments in your childhood? What is your most powerful moment? Did you have any traumatic moment that made you fear of something?